anorexia is never the answer
by jay and abi forever xx
Summary: when abi comes back from costa rica , she learns of the lola and jay kiss. she then thinks that the reason why things didn't always work out for her and jay was because of her weight . so she stops eating . will her loved ones be able to save her before it's too late ? A Jabi Story
1. Chapter 1

Already it had been two months since abi left walford for Costa Rica and left her family and the boy she loved behind. As she got out the cab and gave the driver money she couldn't help but look at the place where she last saw jay. It brought back the memory she tried so hard to forget. She looked around the square and saw that nothing had changed while she was gone. Just as she was about to ring the doorbell, the door opened and out came Tanya her mum. As soon as Tanya saw her daughter she smiled and immediately hugged her. Then helped her with her luggage and brought her it the living room where the rest of the family was. All jumped up and gave abi a hug which she returned and sat down and asked her about the trip. When abi finished putting her clothes back into the drawers and wardrobe she went outside and into the square where she noticed jay. He hadn't seen her yet so she pretended to have not seen him and while she waited on him noticing her she got herself a coffee to keep herself busy.

'Oh hello abi how was your trip' Whitney asked her as she walked past her.

'It was alright I suppose, I was missing this place though. A bit too much.' abi replied.

'well just as long as you enjoyed yourself hey?' Whitney said giving her a hug before leaving.

When abi turned around she looked over to where jay was and noticed him staring at her in surprise. Just when she got the courage to go over to him, jay turned and walked the other way without looking back. When abi went back to the house she asked Lauren if anything had happened with jay and that was when she learned that jay and Lola had kissed. She was angry then hurt because it didn't take him long to move on. But when she looked in the mirror she could see why. She was fat and ugly. But even though she thought that about herself what she didn't know was that people actually thought that she was beautiful. abi ran up to the bathroom and made herself sick and when she looked into the bathroom mirror she then said to herself maybe now I will be perfect for jay once I lose more weight .


	2. Chapter 2

Just a little bit more abi told her as she stood on the scales that told her that she was 120 pounds. It had been three weeks since she started eating less. throughout those weeks she pretended to her family that she already ate when she came home and wasn't hungry or that she was sick and to make sure that they wouldn't get suspicious , she would eat at the dinner table and then later while they were occupied she would through it all back up . Her parents didn't suspect a thing.

Sometimes abi would lay there thinking how did I get like this? And then the image that she created in her head of Lola and jay kissing would then tell her why. She wanted to be perfect. Sometimes her friends at school would say to her ' oh abi you're so skinny ' and it would make her feel better, but then when she looked at herself she only thought ' they must be lying '.

The worst part of all this is that she knew deep down inside herself that she couldn't keep it a secret for much longer. But she paid no mind to it.

'Abz, you've lost quite a bit of weight ' Lauren told her sister that day.

'Yeah dieting pills, I made sure they were safe though ' she lied to her sister.

'Oh right cool ' Lauren said.

Sometimes abi wanted them to know her secret. After 5 weeks she was now 95 pounds and the only thing making sure that no one knew about her body was her baggy jumpers. But even then it doesn't stop the hunger she felt.

But abi knew that even though she could lose wait she still wouldn't be good enough for jay Mitchell.


	3. Chapter 3

Ever since abi came back jay hadn't spoken to her once and it hurt. Ben took jay's side and forgot about his best friend and Lola just looked at her. But one day when abi went to the playground and sat on the swings, unknown to her the three of them walked by and all looked at her. Abi was lost in her thoughts. When all of a sudden she found that she couldn't breathe and the world around her started to spin. As abi tried to catch her breath ben came rushing over asking what was wrong. Jay and Lola just walked away not looking back.

'I'm fine ' abi told ben

'Are you sure ' ben asked worry laced in his voice?

'Yeah go back to them ben ' abi told him and with that ben left

As abi looked back on that day she remembered how jay stared at her the way he used to. Like she was some sort of freak. She then dropped to 80 pounds that week later but even that wasn't enough for her.

'I have to lose more scratch that I need to ' abi told herself

_**Fat ... ugly... worthless...**_

_**All of them are the right words abi used to describe herself even the voice in her head that abi later named mia said them to her to encourage her to loss more weight.**_

Later on that day abi went on her baby blue laptop and searched for ways to help keep her anorexia a secret as she was running out of ideas. She then noticed a chat room and clicked onto it and created the nickname secrets can kill you. Ironic wasn't it. She then spoke to different people who all had one thing in common. They all had an eating disorder. But one person got abi's eye with the nickname ' needing to find a way to survive ' and then abi started to talk to that person. She later found out that it was a girl named rose who was 16 years old. The same age as abi. They talked and found that both shared the same likes such as taste in music, clothes, etc . . . . after a few weeks of talking abi asked rose why she developed an eating disorder and it turns out that she caught her boyfriend cheating on her with her ex-best friend . Abi later told her that the boy she loved and still loves kissed the person who tried breaking them up and that before she went away they were engaged and how he said he couldn't live without her when it only took him a few weeks to move on. Rose and abi started to become close friends even though they hadn't met. But they later talked over webcams and saw each other's faces which were almost as if they had met each other.

Then after five weeks they both met up and later became best friends who did everything together. When rose came to Albert square to see abi, people just looked at them and guessed that they were only having fun which they were but what these people didn't know is that these two best friends shared the same dark secret which could later kill them.

Abi went back on the scales that night and found that she lost another 8 pounds and even though she didn't know it, she was slowly dying.

Her parents had noticed the change in their daughter and were concerned. But Lauren was the only one who knew that her sister was unwell and tried to tell her parents to which they just ignored. It was only then that it in a few weeks' time the secret that abi was hiding would later come to an end.

**I'd just like to thank jabifan4ever for the reviews she has given me and the support in the writing of my stories, so thank you x **


	4. Chapter 4

For the first time in months abi felt alive. She and rose were going out to a party in the b&b. everyone in the square was going to be there.

'Omg I'm so excited!' rose squealed

Abi just laughed at her and nodded. The other reason why both were happy was because they had lost another 6 pounds.

'Alright ladies ' Kim said to them as she let them through.

'Yeah ' abi said.

They walked through into the lounge where people were up and dancing. Abi looked around and noticed jay staring at her across the room. Well not exactly staring at her but her body which he looked at with worry.

'I'm going to go get us some drinks ' abi said to rose who nodded and went over to Lauren whom she met the other day.

After abi grabbed the drinks, she turned around to see jay in front of her.

'What have you done to yourself ' jay asked her his voice full of concern and worry.

'I don't know what you're taking about ' abi said trying to get past him but was failing.

' well for starters look at you , your all skin and bones ' jay told her looking directly into her eyes as he spoke .

' no I'm not I'm full of fat ' abi told him with that walked past him only to get grabbed by the arm and pulled into a room that nobody else was in .

'No you're not and you certainly weren't before, your perfect abi. Your perfect the way you were' jay told her.

Abi looked anywhere but him.

_**If only that was true she thought to herself.**_

'I used to think that. I didn't think that I was beautiful or anything, I just felt comfortable in my own body that was until - ' abi stopped speaking.

'until what?' jay asked her

'Until I found out about you and Lola ' abi said still not looking at him.

Jay looked at abi in shock.

_**Does she think that because me and Lola kissed we're going out? **_

'abz we're not going out together and that kiss, it was a mistake nothing else.' jay said

Abi looked at jay for the first time and found it hard not cry. As she held in her tears she finally said to him.

'Yeah well I was right, I never was perfect for you and I never will be'

after that abi ran out of the room and grabbed rose telling her that they needed to leave and when rose saw her best friend's face and saw the tears that were finally falling she nodded .

once they got into the house abi ran into the bathroom and made herself sick , when she looked into the mirror she saw a girl who was broken as she stared at herself she failed to notice that not only did she cough up puke , she coughed up blood too which only meant one thing . Her body would soon give up on her.


	5. Chapter 5

As abi layed there in her bed the next morning, she couldn't help but think of the times her and jay were together. It made her cry. She looked around her room and noticed her cd player and put her cd of her favorite artist sia in it and listened to the song breathe me.

_**Help, I have done it again  
I have been here many times before  
Hurt myself again today  
and, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame**_

Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up  
Unfold me  
I am small  
I'm needy  
Warm me up  
And breathe me 

As she listened to those words she realised that she was hurting herself and there really was no else to blame. But she couldn't help it. She still thought she was fat and she needed to be thin.

'Mrs Branning can I talk to you please ' jay said as he stood at the front door.

'Sure darling come on in ' Tanya said letting him through

'It's about abi, I think she might have anorexia' jay told her as they sat in the living room.

Tanya looked shocked but then thought about her daughter and how skinny she had gotten and realised that jay might be right.

Meanwhile in abi's room she talked to rose and they decided to meet up outside of walford. As she about to walk downstairs she heard jay and Tanya talking about her secret.

As she walked quietly downstairs she tried to sneak out the backdoor only to be found by Tanya.

'Where do you think you're going young lady ' Tanya asked

'I'm going to meet rose ' abi said

At that time jay had entered and saw that abi was trying to leave and said ' abi we know what you're doing, you need help abz'

'I don't know what you're talking about ' abi said

'Yes you do ' jay and Tanya shouted

Just as abi was about to reply she felt that she couldn't breathe and collapsed holding her chest.

'Abi! 'Tanya shouted with her and jay running over to abi.

But abi suddenly stood up ' I'm fine ' she said

Jay tried to grab abi but she took a step backwards and said ' just leave me alone will you ' and with that ran out of the house.

Jay and Tanya turned and looked at each other and decided that what they were about to do next would be for the best and hopefully abi later in life would be thankful for it._**  
**_


	6. Chapter 6

After abi came back home from meeting rose, the moment she walked into the house she felt like something was off and didn't feel right. When she walked into the living room she seen jay, her parents and Lauren standing with paramedics beside them.

'Darling don't panic, they are only going to help you ' Tanya said in tears with jay, Lauren and max looking away.

'how could you do this to me?' abi asked

'Abi, you are dangerously ill and need help as you can die' one of the paramedics said as they grabbed abi and but her on a restraining seat.

As they took abi outside and into the ambulance, Tanya, max, jay and Lauren followed behind them.

Jay looked at abi with warmth and told her that once she got better they could be together again and that he loved her but not once did abi look his way.

All abi done was look at her parents with hate and Lauren ran away. She couldn't handle seeing her little sister helpless.

'I trusted you mum ' abi said

'Sweetheart please - ' Tanya was cut off

'I hate you!' abi shouted which left Tanya in tears; her dad and jay looked away trying to hide their tears that were desperate to escape from their eyes.

The ambulance doors shut and abi was taken to hospital unknown to her that the same thing was happening to rose as well.

all that abi could think of as they were traveling was that she just hoped that it would all be over soon and didn't say a word for rest of the journey .


	7. Chapter 7

Lying in a hospital wasn't exactly abi's idea of fun. Her family often visited her along with ben, jay and Lola but the only person she wanted was rose. When she asked about her best friend, her parents would automatically change the subject. Abi was getting worried.

'mum just tell me, where the hell is my best friend?' abi asked her mum as she visited one day.

Tanya looked unsure at her daughter as she knew that the news would only worry her but decided that she needed to know.

'Well sweetheart when you came here, rose was to and she's not looking to well darling ' Tanya told abi gently.

Abi sat in shock. Her best friend was being treated to at the same time as her and she couldn't even visit her.

'Well have you seen her?' abi asked quietly

'Yes sweetheart and she send her love and told me to tell you not to worry ok ' Tanya said.

After a few moments Tanya got up from where she was sitting.

'Well I best be off, get well soon darling' Tanya said giving her daughter a kiss on the forehead and left straight afterwards.

Abi sat there in silence and looked around the room; she noticed a mirror in the bathroom and stood up then walked over to it. She then lifted her nightgown and shivered at the coldness hitting her bare skin as she stood in her underwear. As she looked at her body, she was sickened. Bones were sticking out in different places, her skin a sickly pale color, her hair looked damaged and greasy and her face that was once full of brightness now has no color. She remembered a girl who was proud of the way she looked and also remembered that she beautiful inside and out. now as she stared at this stranger she saw nothing but a person who was dying slowly and before all this person wanted was to be beautifully thin and realized that the road that she was on was a stupid one and with that abi was ready to move on to a different path . The right path as she now knew that she needed help. In the background of the room while abi was thinking a song was playing. A song which summarized her pretty well.

_**I told another lie today  
And I got through this day  
No one saw through my games  
I know the right words to say  
Like "I don't feel well," "I ate before I came"  
Then someone tells me how good I look  
And for a moment, for a moment I am happy  
But when I'm alone, no one hears me cry**_

I need you to know  
I'm not through the night  
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light  
I need you to know  
That we'll be OK  
Together we can make it through another day

I don't know the first time I felt unbeautiful  
The day I chose not to eat  
What I do know is how I've changed my life forever  
I know I should know better  
There are days when I'm OK  
And for a moment, for a moment I find hope  
But there are days when I'm not OK  
And I need your help  
So I'm letting go

I need you to know  
I'm not through the night  
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light  
I need you to know  
That we'll be OK  
Together we can make it through another day

You should know you're not on your own  
These secrets are walls that keep us alone  
I don't know when but I know now  
Together we'll make it through somehow  
(together we'll make it through somehow)

I need you to know  
I'm not through the night  
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light  
I need you to know  
That we'll be OK  
Together we can make it through another day

Song - courage by superchick.


	8. Chapter 8

Battling anorexia was tougher than abi expected it to be but she was getting there. she still had the odd craving to make herself sick but later found it easier to ignore it all it took was patience. She had support from all around her and things were going well with her and jay.

'You alright abz' jay asked as he walked in

'Yeah I'm fine ' abi told him hugging him when he came over to her.

The past weeks when she was in here, jay came over and they sat down and talked. they talked about how jay felt as though he was going to lose her the moment she left on the trip and proposed to her because he didn't want to be away from her, but how he later panicked and ended up losing her anyway, they talked about Lola and how things between her and jay were a mistake and then they talked about abi's anorexia and if they were going to get back together which they both agreed to but it would be slow.

Rose was looking better and was healing but she was having a rougher time than abi.

Abi had gained wait but had a few relapses which were attended to. She now looked better but still needed more time for her body to look healthy. When abi now looked at her in the mirror she was more confident but still had the odd imagination in her mind where she felt and saw that she was fat but told herself to suck it up and get a grip and it helped.

One day though abi was sitting on the bed with her laptop in front of her looking at photos of her and rose. Most were just of her. She looked a mess and horrible. Her whole body was too skinny and rose besides her looked as though she could die at any minute. Now when she got out of here all she wanted to do was replace these photos with new ones of her being healthy again and that is exactly what she was going to do.


	9. Chapter 9

When abi got back to Albert square she felt incredibly nervous. As she got of the taxi she felt the stares on her back and turned to look at them. They all looked at her with pity and sympathy. She noticed jay standing with ben and Lola. Lauren was also standing near with Whitney and Lucy.

'Abi! Oh how are dear oh come here ' jean slater said running over to her and hugged her to death.

'Nice to see you to jean ' abi said hugging her back.

'Oh Kat, alfie come over here look who it is ' jean laughed excitedly.

Kat and alfie made their way over and looked abi up and down then alfie gave her a hug and told her he was glad she was ok.

'Stacey was worried about you and so was I but we're both glad you're ok ' Kat said in abi's ear.

Lauren made her way over to her sister and burst into tears.

'Oh abz don't ever do that to me again you hear me ' Lauren said clinging to her.

Abi looked unsure what to do so just stayed there and looked around. people were whispering and pointing at her which made her feel uncomfortable , Lucy and Whitney now joined by fatboy , Tyler and Anthony were staring at her in happiness at the fact that she was alive and well and fatboy winked at her which made abi laugh . Then she turned to the three people who mattered most. jay was staring at her with a huge smile on his face and looked as if he wanted to run over and hug her, ben looked bored but you could see in his eyes that he was happy to see her and Lola well I'm guessing it's the hormones because she looked as though she was going to burst into tears as well.

When abi got home, she went up to her room and got a video camera out and put it on her Chester drawers and sat across from it. She was planning on making a video about her illness. Once she was sure it was ok to start, she took a deep breath and started from day one. When the anorexia started.


	10. Chapter 10

'I've created a webpage' abi said to her family the next morning. She had spent all night on her video camera and then downloaded the video onto her personal webpage.

'oh really what about?' Lauren asked her eating a mouth full of toast.

'My anorexia, you know about how people can recover from it, how I suffered from it and almost died and just how I developed it. I want to help people who suffer in the way I did ' abi said emotionally.

Her parents and Lauren looked proud of her and said silently to themselves to check this webpage later on.

Later on that day word had gotten around about abi's webpage and just about everyone in the square went on it. They all noticed that there were videos on it and jay that was surrounded by the Mitchell family, clicked onto it. It just happened to be the one labeled ' how I developed anorexia '.

On the screen it showed abi in her room staring right into everyone's eyes.

'I developed anorexia after coming back from Costa Rica. Before I left everything was perfect. I had good friends, people I could count on, loving families even though they did go mental at some points and a loving boyfriend or well ex - fiancé as I should probably say. Anyway I choose to go to Costa Rica and jay my fiancé back then decided that he was finished with me and so I was left in tears. When I came back I had heard that jay had moved on with Lola. The girl who recently became my friend who also tried many times to break me and jay up to which at one point she succeeded. It tore me apart the thought of them together and I lost control. I saw myself as fat and thought that I wasn't good enough, so I stopped eating which led to my anorexia. I had almost died and my family were left in tears as they were worried sick about me but I some ways I don't regret it because then I wouldn't have met rose , my best friend . I do regret a lot though. I regret making people's life's hell, making people worry, letting Lola win and I also regret giving in to the temptations of becoming thin. Hopefully if the people I love watch this they will believe me when I say that I'm so sorry because I really truly am. I created this webpage to let people over the world who suffer in ways that I have , will now rethink about what they are doing because believe me when I say this , anorexia is not the answer .' abi said on the screen.

After sitting there watching the video, everyone was left in tears. But for jay Mitchell all he could feel was guilt. Guilt for making this girl think that she wasn't beautiful because she was inside and out and with that he shut the laptop over, stood up and grabbed his jacket and then went out hoping to start fresh with abi branning, the girl he hoped he could spend the rest of his life with.


	11. Chapter 11

When abi answered the front door and saw jay she was shocked. Jay was standing with tears pouring down his face. Once jay saw abi he wrapped her in a hug and cried silently into her shoulder. Tanya came to see what was happening and saw the two teenagers clinging to each other and tapped abi on the shoulder.

'Why don't you two go up to your room and talk from there?' Tanya asked

Abi nodded and led jay upstairs by the hand. They sat together on the abi's bed and abi asked jay what was wrong.

'I saw your video, I'm so sorry abz this is my entire fault 'jay cried.

'Don't be stupid, it was my fault. I was stupid for getting myself into such a mess ' abi said rubbing jays back hoping to calm him down.

Jay looked at abi and leaned in closer to her. Abi saw what he was doing and sat there waiting to see what he would do and a few seconds later, jay's lips were on abi's. Time stopped for the both of them and jay and abi spent the rest of the night making up for the time they lost while being apart.

A few weeks' later jay and abi announced that they were a couple again and everyone was happy for them, expect for max of course after all he still couldn't believe that his little girl was growing up. Rose was out of the hospital and abi spent every weekend with her. Lola decided it was best to stay out of abi's way because when abi saw her she seethed with anger. Jay helped abi when she was tempted to make herself sick and when she had relapses but she soon recovered. Later on abi found out that ben was the one who murdered heather from jay, she was upset and angry but couldn't say that she was surprised as ben wasn't the same anymore .later on jay once again asked abi to marry him to which she said yes. the only thing that had changed was abi's dreams, she dreamed that one day everything in her life would be perfect and that she could forget everything that happened but she knew not to let her hopes go up after all not many dreams become a reality but who was to know that in a few years' time abi's dreams would come true as her and jay spent the rest of their life's together with a child on the way too.


End file.
